


Selfish

by handlewithkara



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 11:09:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13588809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/handlewithkara/pseuds/handlewithkara
Summary: Kara is ready to talk. Or is she?





	Selfish

They find themselves again standing up there, on the balcony, like to many times since he returned. Night is falling around them. Kara runs her palm over the rough concrete.

“I’m ready now,” she says.

Mon-El looks at her from the side, surprised.

“Ready for what?”

“To hear it. How you really feel. What it was like.”

She can sense him tensing up.

“It won’t make a difference,” he warns.

“I know. Maybe I need it, though. To, to push through it, push through the pain.” It's not easy to admit just how raw all this still is to her.

He nods. It takes a while for him to respond. Almost like he’s testing out a muscle he hasn’t used in a long time.

“I love you. I know, I know that nothing in my life, nothing will ever come close to how happy I was with you.” He winces, as if the sun’s dying rays were capable of hurting his eyes. “It was like, like you took some of all that light that you have inside of you, and you gave it to me. You made me something I never knew I could be, I never even knew I wanted to be. And I was _happy_. That was all you. I tried to carry that light within me, keep it alive, pass it on. Maybe there was a stupid, dumb part of me that thought, if I was just good enough, if I just did enough...”

His hands clench. “I don’t believe that anymore,” he says, his voice rough.

“What do you believe then?”

“That my life is not just my own anymore.”

Kara inches closer to him, almost without noticing it. “I used to call you selfish.”

Mon-El laughs despite himself and, Rao, that sounds, that glint of teeth, it hurts, it hurts so much and still she can’t help it. She doesn’t want to, but her body responds in kind, instantly, a smile curling her corners of her mouth upwards.

“Yeah, you used to do that a lot.”

“Yes, a whole of a lot.” Kara looks down on her hands. “Now, there’s a part of me that wishes, that you were still selfish.” She blinks hard, to keep the tears from falling. “So you could be selfish for both of us.”

“Well, that one is all on you, I’m afraid.” His voice is warm. Warmer than she expected and again, she can’t help but smile through her tears.

“I’m sorry, I think?” she says.

Mon-El steps closer and raises up his hand, stopping just short of her cheek, remembering for both of them that he no longer has a right to this. “Please,” he whispers in that way of his that always goes straight through her heart, “never be sorry about that. I’m trying...”

Almost without thought, Kara throws her arms around him and buries her face in his chest. After a moment of hesitation his arms close around her. Kara squeezes him tight and he squeezes back. It was their little thing, because Mon-El knew how rarely she got to do that to somebody. She’s beyond caring that half the D.E.O can see her, that they will know what she’s doing, even if his broad back hides her from their eyes.

“I, I didn’t get to say goodbye. I mean, I did, but I didn’t know, I didn’t know, there was not enough time,” she’s babbling and hiccuping between tears. His hand is on her hair, patting her and Kara leans into it. His thumb runs along her cheek, painfully real and familiar.

“It was like that for me too,” he says softly.

“You had seven years. Nine months, nine months is not enough.”

“I know.”

She leans her forehead against his throat. _Please_ , she thinks, _please be selfish for me._


End file.
